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The Thinking Yogi by Kerry Maiorca May 2005: Procrastination Why do we procrastinate? It’s not usually because the task at hand is all that difficult, in fact from my experience it’s usually quite the opposite. I’ll put things on my to-do list and they’ll keep sitting and sitting there, just waiting for someone to notice them. Often I procrastinate because I’m afraid of bringing something into a state of completion because completing a project means of putting it out in the world to be evaluated and judged. I don’t want people to think this is the best I can do, so I convince myself that if I just had a little more time I could do better. But everything we do, whether creative or not, requires only that we be the fullest expression of who we are right now, however imperfect or out of shape or tired or overworked we are. When we procrastinate we are telling ourselves that we are not fit to accomplish the task right now. And yet the more we put it off, the more monumental the task becomes which reinforces the idea that we’re not suited to complete the task. The process of writing the thinking yogi has become a great opportunity to look at my own tendencies for procrastination. It’s scary to put my personal thoughts out into the world (even if it’s just on our little website!) because then people will read it and think that they know who I am or what I think. But what is the alternative? To say nothing so I never risk being misunderstood? To stick to clichés and niceties? Honest communication, moving beyond our rote responses in an attempt to share a part of ourselves, is thrilling and worth the slip-ups and moments of awkwardness. It’s leaving the solid, familiar ground of our own thoughts and stepping onto a bridge that connects us to other people. The drop from the bridge may seem like a scary one, and you may worry that if you loose your footing, if you don’t connect with that person or if they misunderstand you, the fall will hurt. But to meet in the middle of that long, wobbly bridge and find out what goes on the other side, what goes on in another person’s mind, is worth the risk. You may be wondering what all this has to do with the fact that you can never seem to get your bills paid on time or your laundry done. Consider this: procrastination, even on a less than creative task like household chores or arranging finances, is a way of holding ourselves back. As long as we have a sprawling to-do list awaiting us there’s no way, we tell ourselves, that we can take on that bigger project we’ve been putting off, something that might require us to open up, to be brave, to change, to be vulnerable. Say you’ve been telling yourself you want to learn guitar or you want to start taking better care of yourself or catch up with an old friend, as long as you’ve got that to do list waiting for you, naggin you, there’s always a valid reason why that other project can’t happen. So start small. Don’t let your to-do lists grow. Take your to-dos one at a time, just as you take each breath one at a time when you’re in a challenging yoga pose. Go for that project no matter how prepared you feel to do it. Everything you need to do it already exists within you, so be brave and go for it. |
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